nyc subway jokes

Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? It would be like, You seen this shit? Boss! Ask any MTA employee for help when you need it. They stick to the ground., 96. What differentiates Middle Earth from New York City? G: No I'm a dentist. 1 thing that you can be in the eyes of the New York Post is an angel. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches. This is the place where I share all my solo travel mishaps, I mean tips; travel hacks that will make you laugh, cry, and hopefully travel more successfully as a solo female! Because thats where the mini apple is! Who doesnt love a good pun? Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. Anita Weiss, New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Jeff Garlin, In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. Judith Stone, Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Ghostbusters II, New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning. Bill Maher, Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Nikita Khrushchev, New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? As a 30+ year local, I know all about the pros and cons of living in New York City. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? New Yolk. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). 15+ Cheeky and Corny Love Jokes you can laugh with him and her! Out-of-towners come to L.A. and rub it in my face.Hey, man, you know what you could buy for $700,000 in Alabama? And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine. Joe Mande, Its a thrill to be in New York. 20. Racist topics make me nervous. I like New York. He walked along to the escalator, on the escalator it is written, Dogs must be carried on the escalator. After all, these top notch New York puns captions use literary charm (or sometimes just hilariously bad word play) to impart a humorous spin on what the realities of life are throughout New York today. Im gonna be Frank. Tire-less. Its an incredible place to live. It is known for Hollywood and so much more. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Well here are things that you should learn and can joke about the locals. 99. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. Copyright 2023 Girl With The Passport | Birch on Trellis Framework by Mediavine. Is this an elected position, you were appointed by the mayor, or what happens? Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment. David Sedaris, In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. Charlotte Perkins Gilman. You know, everything in New York is just so pitcher perfect. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. This final design was used until tokens were phased out in 2003. 97. NEW YORK SUBWAY 2 - ONLY IN NYC / Funny Subway Compilation But out of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench? And thats sweet., 44. So I have to do it now. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York. A Cyclone. Then *everybody* stares. There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe., 58. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Theyd say, There goes Obama! I want to be plastic. Andy Warhol, I mean, who would want to live in a place where the only cultural advantage is that you can turn right on a red light? Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman, Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. David Letterman, In Los Angeles, by the time youre 35, youre older than most of the buildings. Delia Ephron, Its so crowded in Los Angeles these days if you get a sunburn, you have to go to Glendale to peel. Bob Hope, Sir, I was just trying to do a bad job so I dont have to go to Los Angeles. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second. And thats tough. I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove youre a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him. Emo Philips, There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. 41. I decided that Im gonna argue with this guy, but Im gonna argue about something else. News Politics 5 shot as smoke bomb set off at Brooklyn subway station . Ive been living in the city for 15 years; I have no idea where the train is going. 183. Why did the New York regents decide to cover the Carrier Dome in cardboard? The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able. O.J. A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday. Just that brief moment where youre reading and youre like, Oh, a guitar player. Because the Big Apple captivated her. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. 121. MTA chair Janno Lieber was effusive about the budget deal on Friday, which gives the agency a $300 million lump sum cash infusion, a $500 million share of the licensing fees from downstate Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. JubaionBx12+SBS. Holler! Two dudes, and one dude said to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji! Because theres a Delhi on every block. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Where do New York chefs get their broth? After all, it features all of the best very jokes about New York that have nothing to do with the city that never sleeps and that are sure to make you laugh. She is from another country. A single tower fell in Paris., 107. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen, I love giving tourists directions. A visitor. To wake up oily., 28. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. Im sorry I stabbed you. Carol Liefer, Brooklyn is changing. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Mencken, Moving from Los Angeles to Petaluma is the best thing I ever did. Look at her; shes fucking beautiful! I live in New York. Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? 178. New York is divine but Staten island floats my boat! So glad you stopped by and super happy to meet you. No one could find three wise men or a virgin. Things you buy through our links may earnVox Mediaa commission. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini. In New York its always raining Katz and dogs. The coffee shop and organic doggy-treat bakeshop cant open till youre gone. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Canning tomatoes after freezing moles. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? Relationships are hard in NYC. Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. Its filled with funny New York jokes that are sure to make you smile. Please see my disclosure for more information. That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said. jokes about the five boroughs: Our favorite Simpson. Most of the time thats not so bad, but New York City?, 43. Staten Island really floats my boat. Rounding up our favorite funny videos of the month. Dont pee on that., 72. If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green. And I honestly dont get what the big deal is. Subway Jokes - Joke Buddha In Los Angeles, everything has become a corn dog. There are, as you may have noticed, a lot of jokes about flying. You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder. I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Believe it or not, theres a lot more to New York than New York City. Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved. Hes got a cab-drivers license, I can see it right there. I dont know what you need to get a cab-drivers license. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is. Please sign up with your best email address. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with, like, cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers. Dan St. Germain, For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy. Evelyn Waugh, There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe. Elbert Hubbard, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire. Henry James, If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish. Lenny Bruce, Itll be a great place if they ever finish it. O. Turns out it was a bar mitzvah. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight None, they just beat the room for being black. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate. Many of the subway subway sandwich puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Youve never seen anyone de-age so fast in your life. 42. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. He couldnt actually find a virgin or three wise men., 10. A bunch of people in New York said, Gee, Im enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isnt cold enough. What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? WebNew York City subway commuters. G: Everytime you smile I feel like calling you over to my place It is downright racist to white people. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Jamal, They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles, and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. I was walking home at 3 a.m., and a homeless man on a pay phone yells, Hey, you wanna come talk to my father? The whole thing. Al Madrigal, In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. How did the sailor get around the city? and ordered a coke and a sandwich. What differentiates Middle Earth from New York City? Basically like saying roger that. How hard would it be to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? Thats quite a Roosevelt you have going on. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. Both states become smarter! My name is Kelly and Im so happy youre here! They stick to the ground. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers. Theres only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy. You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. The Yankees are supposed to win. Thats quite a Roosevelt you have going on. I like to think of heard as bet adjacent. Eve wanted to leave Eden and move to New York, but why? Henry, New York makes one think of the collapse of civilization, about Sodom and Gomorrah, the end of the world. This is because it is the only subway line to not provide any service into Manhattan and instead runs via a two-track line subway line through primarily Northwest Brooklyn connecting Long Island City to Downtown Brooklyn, before continuing How hard is it to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? I dont understand And my legs register as firewood. The Restaurants & Bars Featured On "Succession," Ranked 123. His mother tells him: "Honey, don't do this". If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? Correct! 78. Where you at, 24th and Fifth? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey., 31. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? Subway Its not really a ghetto, its a ghetto suburb. Its like, youd get the same amount of information if you grabbed someone on the street and you were like, What happened today? and theyre like, Theres a perv in Queens! Youd be like, All right, thank you. Or, rather, its like someone read a better newspaper, and now theyre trying to text you everything they can remember. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. Love a good play on words? Its me, Kelly, the face behind Girl with the Passport! As he ran towards me, the doors started slowly coming together. Always relish the good times in New York. Before I could ask if he was ok, he finished stacking the slices of ham with his left hand. Why are New Yorkers so depressed. I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight, guess what it was? Yeah, they really dropped the ball., 40. It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month. Face Impex is one of the Face group of companies that begin in 2006. So, yeah. 128. 10 Comedians On Their Favorite NYC Jokes - InsideHook 104. My dad was the town drunk. Think New Yorkers cant get along? My love life is terrible. I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback. Ophira Eisenberg, Im fat in all the wrong places. A hero is any man who does his job. Enjoy! Where did the math teacher like to hang out? I moved to New York City for my health. Are there any signs that someone is from New York City? I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? More like no parking slope. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. He kept yelling at me. ), 61 HILARIOUS Sydney Jokes That Aussies Will Love. Some tiny old lady that chain-smokes all day long? In winter, NYC is the city of tights. Why dont Los Angeles drivers use their blinkers? So Im gonna die! 109. Cant be the animal that makes that noise. Check out this list and pick out your favorites. Thats the best shooting ever done in this town. Push. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? Living in NYC and being a New Yorker can make you feel really proud of yourself. New Yorkie., 100. Living in New York can be challenging at times and its not that easy for everyone. Sam and Joel reach a new level of intimacy. Two Towers. No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab., 85.
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